XWF∞

[Chorus]

But I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

You’re in love and always will be

A glorious morning light that comes hovering out of the sky shines brightly as an enormous boat far off in the distance comes sailing through a river pathway surrounded by mountains on both sides.  The water is clear, with a light blue misty haze hovering just above its surface.  The ship; a marvelous vessel of immense immaculate design and of the most enigmatic form of engineering begins closing its distance out on the horizon and making its way closer to our view.  As it approaches, it’s sails resemble a distinct design of gold crosses with light red stripes carved in its design of fine cloth. A big bright pink banner, with fluffy white cloud trim on the side of the ship reveals the name “Illummaquatic 2.” As the ship approaches, the silence in the far off distance is deafening…  well…. That is until….

CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOATON!!!!!!!!

The pipes of the ship's steam whistle start blaring out loudly for the entire world to hear.  Hanging off the side of the stern while also simultaneously operating the steering wheel is none other than resident XWF douchebag little diddler boy extraordinaire, Thaddeus Duke!!!  

As he hangs off the side of the ship he starts spinning himself around and around with a giant smile on his face.  Spinning around the ship like some kind of happy go lucky stripper stretching his hands from pillar to post all over the ship and flailing his arms above his head like some kind of princess dancing amongst the butterflies trying to float in the wind.  His long light blue skirt is flailing in the wind behind him as he continues to spin. It looks more and more like a tornado spinning up and down or a spinning top floating up towards his legs and back down to his feet with each spin.  He comes to a complete stop and quits spinning around and then reaches up for a giant string and pulls down to blow the steam whistle once again, and this time he holds it down even longer so that everyone can see him sailing in towards the dock and be alerted of his presence.  

CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOATON!!!!!

This loud blast wakes up everyone in the little harbor town's residences, as it is just early morning with the sun just rising over the crack in the horizon before they have awoken out of bed.  It’s odd, all the inhabitants of this little home appear to be teenage boys painted in blue with little white stocking hats on top of their heads.  What’s also strange is the domiciles from which they came are nothing but red mushrooms growing beneath a giant green forest of tall trees stretching up further than the eyes can see.  As they rush to the window sills outside their mushroom houses, to see the loud commotion coming up from over the horizon they draw huge smiles of sinister satisfaction.  Some so anxious to catch a glimpse of the PedOship that they nearly trip over one another. 

As the ship lands at the harbor, a ton of these teenage boys painted blue with white stocking hats start climbing on and off the ship as they pass by the other looking very happy and excited to be changing positions as it would seem.  It’s a giant cluster fuck as they scramble back and forth…  One group attempts to flee as fast as possible from the boat with horrified looks on their faces, while the others gleefully skip their way onto the boat.  Packing themselves in quickly and tightly like a pack of sardines trying to avoid the flood of the apocalypse as if they were shoving themselves into Noah’s Ark.  

The ship empties and fills simultaneously in almost a matter of minutes as if they were a group of soldiers following a routine they were used to performing this ritual on a regular basis.  As if it were clockwork and had been done many times before, the PedOship raises its gates and makes a way out of the harbor, and begins to sail away.  Just before it can get out of the harbor, two buffoons off in the distance start running towards the boat as fast as they can holding hands and sprinting as fast as their little legs can take them at the ship beginning to make its way out of the harbor.  Flailing their other hands in the air like a drunken orangutan. They are so quick, that in fact, we can only catch one glimpse of the two before they swing their hands backward together; still holding hands, and fling themselves into the ship from the shore, just in time to catch the back of the boat.  

The ship starts to take off from the shore, but doesn't get far before it begins sinking!  It appears the weight of these two washed up reject monkey piss brain idiots has begun sinking the boat!  Slowly falling deeper and deeper into the misty blue lake as the boat makes its way further away from the shore and starts sinking rapidly in the middle of the lake.  Duke grabs onto the steam whistle and tries to pull it again, but to his surprise, it has malfunctioned somehow?  He tries again and still nothing.  All of them on board the PedOship start panicking as all of the blue-painted boys start abandoning the ship and swimming to the shore.  The captain and his two first mates; however, are content to just stand at the crow's nest as they have decided to go down with the ship! 

From off in the distance, walks a cloaked figure with dark black hair and glowing red eyes coming closer and closer towards the ship as it starts sinking at an even faster alarming pace.  The figure pulls back his hood on his cloak to reveal it is none other than the XWF Frenzy champion, The PROPHET!!!  He reaches up to the sky with his right hand, covered with a black latex glove, sweat pouring down the front of his face profusely before gripping his fingers together, and pulling his hand towards the ship.  A meteorite from the sky comes flying down from the sky seemingly out of nowhere, and crashes on top of the PedOship with the captain and his two first mates and erupts in an enormous ball of fire.  All three of them scream as they burn up in a blaze of fire before finally sinking down…..  Down…… down……  with the PedOship…  Illumaquatic 2!!!!

----------

THE PROPHET!

“I stepped into the XWF last Friday Night and made a name for myself right from the get go, just like I made a statement when I first arrived and I took this title right off Shain KarvHOGMblow’s waist with the snap of my fingers.  I told the XWF that I am, in fact, the Purveyor of Purpose and that the Prophecy would be here to distribute that purpose by marching all over these insignificant fools who have no right to even suggest anything different.  One minor blemish, that I will be ready to rectify this week, is when I give Scully the payback he deserves for his lucky fluke victory over the god of wrestling himself, Peter Gilmour.  You see, Scully, you may have been able to sneak one past us, but you should consider yourself lucky that Peter cares so dearly for his sweet demon assassin!  

Because you see, the Prophecy is a united front, and on Friday night I’m going to show you exactly what kind of a formidable group of fuckers we really are!?  Revenge is a dish best served cold, and it will be the perfect appetizer, entree, and dessert for me coming on Friday when I stand opposite you in the ring!  You may have some illustrious championships from some shit hole federation in the past, but those mean nothing compared to this….”

(He holds up the Frenzy title in front of his face with a giant grin beaming from ear to ear.)

“For you see, this is the future!!!  The past and the place where it used to be is nothing but a distant memory that has drifted away completely from the minds of everyone else who isn’t you or someone who wants to remember the most despicable time in history!  Tell me how great of a champion you once were…  But just remember, THIS piece of metal is the gateway to both of our futures, and it will write the history for the XWF so that one day your little boy or girl can dig through those books and memoirs, will they see any resemblance of honor that was accomplished by their forefathers?  

Previously you spoke about a re-birth, and believe me Scully, that is EXACTLY something I can relate to…  I’ve already written my name in the history books by becoming the first champion in the history of the re-birth of the XWF.  The day I walked in this door I became champion, and I’m not surprised.  My purpose was put forth upon me many, many years ago in a galaxy far, far away.  I am here to put down the pathetic pawns who are placed in front of me.  Make examples of them so that those that would oppose me in the future would know exactly what to look forward to should they dare stand between me and my purpose that I will be performing forever.

If you want advice on how to be that next example, Scully, you can simply make a call to Gabe Reno or SHain and ask them how it feels to be nothing but a pawn in my game of complete destruction.  You couldn’t float off into the depths of the afterlife just quite yet, despite how hard the grim reaper came knocking at your door.  Would you like to know why?  Because just the same as SHain and Gabe, who found purpose in their lives the second they stood opposite me in the Main event last Friday night.  Just the same as them, so too will you find purpose in your existence and why your life could not quite end just yet.  

I am worshipped by many as they look to the voice of purpose to direct them into their reason for existence.  In fact, the whole question of the meaning to life can be summed up in a matter of simple practicality.  Scully is but a cog in this wheel of practicality, he soon will fall to his knees and worship me as the rest have done and in swift succession, he will be the second swine that will suck off the teet of my trials and tribulations as I write them down in the chapters of my great achievements in which you are only the second level.  The first level was conquered quite easily with hardly any effort and now I’m ready for number two.  Because, let’s face it Scully, you really have been nothing but a number two!  You piece of fucking shit!  

So go ahead and come out here again like you did last time and sing me a song, lull me a lullaby, or poop out a poem.  Give the fans what they want to hear that same silly shit that you’ve used to propel your career in your past, but when you step foot in the ring with The PROPHET  it will be like a stand-up comedian catching the worst case of stage fright.  You might think you’re funny and you might think you’re witty, but you’ll find yourself in a world of shock when the seriousness of the situation of my fist meets your face.  Then you will know why they call me the purveyor of purpose and I will reveal that purpose to you on Friday Night…  The reason the grim reaper didn’t take you is because

 You don’t belong to death, Scully!  

You belong…  to me!!”  

-- Edited by THE PROPHET on Saturday 13th of February 2021 05:10:35 AM

-- Edited by THE PROPHET on Saturday 13th of February 2021 05:12:03 AM