XWF∞

The Brothers Blackwater come tumbling into the room, traveling in true brothers Blackwater fashion, so naturally falling over themselves, sorta like you'd imagine the Stooges or the Marx. Eventually winding up in front of SHain. Naturally, this curious creature gathers all of their attention and the trio stop dead in their tracks, as Donovan tilts his head, Ezra and Raphael begin to circle the madman, showing zero sign of fear or intimidation. Finally, after several seconds of this dizzying behavior, all three brothers stand directly in front of Shain and Donovan smirks before stating in a very, matter of fact tone.

"Did you know there's a Shane in Gilmore Girls? The character is so unimportant, they didn't bother giving HER a last name. That's right, Shane is a woman in Gilmore Girls. Every time she's on the screen, she acts irate and annoyed or says something dumb. Like insisting 'Bloaty' is a word. She dates Jess. Not long enough to be given the right to knowing her last name though. Hides in a closet at one point. Yes, I watch Gilmore Girls. I am a full, grown adult male that watches Gilmore Girls, come at me, bitch."

"Is that belief in your pocket, or are you simply pleased to see me, with a tiny dash of hope sprinkled with it too? Now, this is entertaining because as everyone knows, the devil is blatantly gay. And yet, you worship him, do you not? Get your power from him? Powered by Satan! Right? No wonder you assume everyone wants to get a cock in their ass. You've been rammed for years. You know what though, fuck it, think I enjoy the company of men, far more than women. Heck, tell my wife, in absolute sincerity. In the end, it's just a crack head screaming his thoughts on the corner and last I checked, those are not the source of information. You go on and believe whatever you wish though. See, just how much it breaks my heart. Why I swear I'll be a complete and total wreck by morn. And since I am a serious man, that obviously also confesses this sort of thing to emancipated looking, crack heads, you know I am speaking the truth."

"No. Nah. Not The Bachelor. I watch The Bachelorette... and I do that on my own time. More chances to see a dude's junk that way cause it's a bunch of guys, competing for one woman, rather than having a plethora of chicks fighting for the affection of one fella." 

"Plus, then I don't have to have the awkward conversation, regarding my instantaneous erection and quick, knee jerk urge to pull one off, which naturally the instinctive desire to masturbate would automatically take control. Almost like my hand had a mind of its own. And I would have to start jerking off, right then and there, like a crazed mad man. Just really violently and aggressive." 

"Honestly, I kinda scare myself when this occurs but what can ya do, right? When the need takes control you gotta answer the call of the wild. Oh and since I am a very sincere and serious man, that never cracks a joke or goes on talking nonsense for my own amusement cause while I am speaking to you with a straight face and somber tone of voice, internally I am just giggling away like a little school girl." 

"Which by the way... yes, I do dress up as one cause it makes me feel pretty and the easy access to my cock, pleases me." 

"Anyways, due to the fact that I am just so damn serious, all of the time. I have virtually never laughed or even smiled... once, in my whole damn life. It is twenty four, seven... brutal and painfully boring, honesty. All year round. People can't stand talking to me, let alone bear being near me for very long. I mean, they see me coming and straight up run in the other direction, as fast as they can." 

"Which obviously, results in instant and intense tears from me and then oddly enough, violent masturbation... right there on the fuckling street. Yeah, it's messed up man, really fucking messed up. I am insane. Plum out off my skull but hey, at least I know it and can accept it, opposed to living in denial." 

"That's something, correct?" 

"Anyhow, since I am so wholeheartedly earnest and stalwart, you know I am being extremely truthful and not fucking with you... at all. Not even in the slightest. I am laying it all out on the line here and totally opening up to a decrepit, feeble and frail looking crackhead, that's tottering in front of me so badly, I am actually astonished you haven't simply toppled over yet from the weight of your own sickly, malnourished, tiny Cambodian boy shaped body." 

"No joke. Cause remember, I don't do that."

"Although, I am curious if the people that watch you wrestle, those fifteen Unknown Soldier fans out there... I wonder, do they also go out of their way to send you 15 cents a day, so you can afford that bowl of rice and not... you know, die of starvation." 

"Hey, you know what... I'll do you a solid and give you a whole two dollars, that way you can go buy yourself a cheeseburger or something and skip the rice. That's gotta suck eating plain white rice everyday. Cause you know, while I am unwavering and intent, I am also generous, so I'll help you out buddy, no problem. You don't even need to do a jig or break out into song, I'll give you the two bucks, out of the kindness of my heart."

That's when Donovan, breaks and starts cracking up. Laughing his ass off as he slaps his leg and points at Soldier. Then swiftly composes himself; however, he also grins, widely at the thin fellow before him. Very obviously amused and pleased with himself.

"Oh man! Wow! you actually stood there that whole time and listened to me prattle on like that and didn't interrupt me. Once. Straight up, I would have walked away, ages ago if I were in your shoes, which incidentally would mean I wasn't wearing any shoes. A luxury, you clearly can't afford, otherwise I wouldn't be able to look down and see your dirty ass fucking feet, if you could buy yourself a pair." 

"Gah! Those things are unsightly, my man!"

"With all that dirt and grime, scabs and scars that's covering  them. Festering soars and boils. There are flies buzzing around them, dude! You're like the real life Pig Pen... if Pig Pen was an emaciated, sickly looking, crack fiend." 

"Haha! Oh holy shiza!" 

"I am going to enjoy working here! You are fantastic, sir! Utterly marvelous! Thanks for this moment, Unknown Soldier! Bless you, kind fellow. I needed that laugh!" 

"Working with you is going to be just a delight! A real trip! We should meet up in the squared circle!  Whaddya say?!?! Would you do the honor of being my first opponent?  Please say yes. I need to face you, so I can create promos dedicated to all that is Unknown Soldier. The world needs me to do it."

“Pick one of your emo space queers to meet me in the ring next Frenzy.  I don’t have time to listen to you ramble on about how much you like to masturbate to the sound of each other’s voices!”