XWF∞

"The time has come, the period of silence is through and I will now, voice my thoughts on my upcoming match."

"First off, allow me to address the type of fight this is going to be cause it is beyond bizarre. It's a Triple Threat Giant Cooler Match; Leftover Snow Job Refrigerator. What the heck is that? Seriously, what crackpot thought of throwing a cooler into the match? It's been stated that it's leftover from Snow Job too, does that mean there's food and drinks inside it or what? Is this a wrestling match or a food fight?"

"That's.... that's something." 

"So suddenly, it'll be like I'm in the middle of a grade school cafeteria, that exists in a wrestling ring? Whatever. At least I'm getting a paycheck for this utter malarkey. I'll be a good sport and play along and tomorrow night, I will walk my happy ass to the squared circle and participate. Toss food around at my opponents or whatever is required of me to do, in order to comply with the ridiculous shenanigans. And who do you suppose my very first adversaries are set to be for this shindig?"

"Morbid Angel and Maddy."

"Maddy? Just Maddy? One name, like Cher? Is it short for something, I don't know, when you research the man, it's not very clear. Perhaps, he thinks that gives him, an air of mystery? 

"Years ago, I knew of a wrestler by the name of John Madison. But this dude doesn't look anything like that fellow. Plus, I heard a rumor, that guy went on a journey of self discovery, like Chris McCandless the character that Emile Hirsch portrays in the film, Into the Wild. The story about the guy who gets rid of all his worldly possessions and adventures into the world, to find himself, sometimes wandering on foot and eventually, he winds up living in a van, in the middle of nowhere and starving cause it's also the dead middle of winter and food is scarce." 

"Over time he gets so desperate, he forgets how to properly research plants in a book he has and dies from eating poisonous berries. All he had to do was literally turn, a single page and make the discovery but he fails to accomplish that tasks, and it costs him his life. Because he didn't figure he should familiarize himself with the book, beforehand and simply decided to throw caution to the wind and randomly eat berries, he isn't familiar with and can't be bothered to do a small amount of research. Before he consumes them. Cause that doesn't make sense when you're surviving in the wild, by yourself and no one is there to do it for you. I assumed that John Madison suffered a similar fate cause the guy didn't seem all too bright or y'know.... mentally sound. I guess I was wrong and this man, could very well, turn out to be him. He could have had intense, hardcore, plastic surgery or something. Stranger things have happened."

"There was also this wrestler named Madison Dyson but that was a woman and as far as I am aware, this Maddy is a man."

"I suppose, only time will tell and I could always ask this dude, before we enter the ring. As long as he has a basic rudimentary understanding of English, comprehension and communication, he should be able to respond. There's really no promises though. He seemed like he's the type that got hit in the head a lot and experienced multiple concussions during his career." 

"Sorta like this other wrestler, Peter Gilmour. Only without the addiction to chicken parm and the dong worshipping, as far as I could tell from the limited attention towards John Madison, that I provided when he was on television. I didn't watch a ton of wrestling and only witnessed it, when it was on at a friend's house and I happened to be in the same room, getting high. Which was... and still happens to be, a regular activity for me. What with being the connoisseur of narcotics, that I am. I like drugs and as long as I'm getting high, I'm not picky about what's on the television. As long as it's not that god awful show, Private Practice. That is virtually, the worst thing in an attempt at entertainment creation, next to Grey's Anatomy. Go figure it's a spin off."

"Anyways, Maddy is just one of my future foes in the forthcoming fray and while, he seemed like an idiot and not all that right in the head, I remember he had quite a successful stint and appeared to know how to fight. With little regard for his fellow contenders or even himself. If this turns out to be the same man, I doubt much has changed. So if there's any actual fighting in this match, I'm going to have to watch myself and be mindful in the battle. Not take anything for granted and consider myself fortunate, if I manage to avoid injury. Unscathed. It's a good thing I was basically born with a metaphorical horseshoe, shoved up my ass. Which is why I was given the nickname - Mr. Luck."

"Cause I've naturally been able to be fortuitous, when it comes to aspects of chance. Although, that usually only occurs when I don't go seeking out trouble or purposefully trying to get into a scuffle. Which is precisely why I am putting myself out there and taking the risk, the thrill of the gamble is exhilarating and I love a good game of chance. Especially, one where the future is unwritten and I can't predict the outcome and automatically win. Like what usually goes down when I partake in any game, with a prospect of placing a wager on the outcome. Guy's gotta make the green, so I'll still place a bet and play the game, I simply know the burn and turn of the cards, will always be in my favor. Which tends to get people suspicious of me, yet no one has been able to prove I'm cheating cause I'm not. I'm merely lucky and fate smiles upon me in that respect."

"Next up is my other opponent. Morbid Angel."

"The real life version of Nathan Explosion, from the cartoon Metalocalypse featuring a death metal band called Deathklok. Only he has a beard. This man is swole too. He's huge. I'm only five foot, four inches. So this man is a giant compared to me and he seems like the type to use that to his advantage. On top of that he looks aggressive as hell and might be fucking nuts. It's going to be like David versus Goliath, out there. Some giant and the beanstalk shit. I bet he wouldn't think twice, before stomping on me and causing some real damage. I'm not super muscular, I'm also skinny as fuck. A strong gust of wind comes along, when I'm walking down the street and I feel like I'm going to get blown over. So an enormous, muscular dude, that looks like he regularly doses himself with steroids, comes at me with intent to cause physical harm and I'll have to be quick action about dodging that shit. Maneuvering out of the way and using speed to my advantage, mixed with agility. I might be small but I am fast and fuckin' spry, like a cat. Which is good for me cause I'll need those traits to help me, in order to get out of the way of a human shaped, steamroller."

Still, I'm going to do my best to claim victory, that won't stop me from entering the ring or intimidate me. I can't show even a trace of fear, that would be my instant downfall. I'd be stacking the deck, against myself in this situation and I have to keep my 'poker face' on. Ha! Like my name is Lady Gaga. Show this monster that he doesn't scare me and that I have confidence in myself. Even though the odds appear to be against me, I won't let that affect me or second guess myself. To be a winner, you need to act like one. Walk straight up to the adversary and don't for a single instant, give them the satisfaction of flinching. Which is precisely what I plan on doing. I will meet him in the center of the ring and stare straight up at him, make eye contact and when that bell rings, I will do everything in my power to win. Tenfold."

"Nether man, will sway me away from my goal or solely gain my focus and distract me from the other, for too long. I will be on my toes, the entire stint of the match, till that bell rings and someone is declared the victor."

"See you in the ring, gentlemen."

"Till then... Mr. Luck, out."