XWF∞

Welcome back!  It's episode 3, possibly 4, of the Kenny Olivier & Jim Cornette show!

This Sunday in the opening match we'll see four men going at it.  Those men's names are: Isabella Ravenwolf, The Prototype, Peter Gilmour, and Kenny Olivier

And while yes some may dispute the validity of an all male claim when Kenny is in the lineup, it hasn't stopped him from putting a lot of serious thought into which one of these dudes he should choose as his partner.  That's right, folks! Whoever gets their promo to air first gets to choose their partner and effectively name the opposing team in the process.

Let's catch up with Kenny and Jim during a rare moment in which they're sitting at the same table, using normal speaking volume, and strategizing about Kenny's upcoming match.  After the way Kenny's recent match against Morbid Angel ended with Jim disqualifying Kenny and smashing a phone over his head in the process, many had been speculating that these two would be at each other's throats the next time they're together.

Instead, Kenny sips some tea and is looking over the card for the Revelations pay per view with a pained look on his face.

Kenny "TwinkleToes McFingerbang" Olivier:  This is a really stupid match, Jim.  Just 4 people tossed into a hole and whoever tongues first gets first pickings?

Jim Cornette:  Oh for the love of.. Can you say ANYTHING without sounding pervy as fuck?

Kenny:  It's just how I spit, Jim.  I don't even think about it.  It just comes out hard no matter how much I try to hold back my thrust.

Jim:  Why is it with you we get 2 modes?  It's either the sing-songy, high pitched, overly fluttery promo voice that sounds like a gorilla has a firm grip on your tiny balls; or it's this fuckin' pervert sitting in front of me right now.  Is there no NORMAL you?  Can't you reach down within yourself and find just a guy that can sit down and discuss what the fuck we're gonna do about an upcoming match?  For ONCE?

Kenny:  Reach within myself.  I like that.  Oh Jimmy and you say I'm the undisputed penetration pervinator of the Japanese schoolgirl demo?

Jim:  Well NO I never said that; that sounds more like some sick shit you'd call yourself and think it's a compliment!

Kenny:  Call me it, Jim.

Jim slams his hand down on the table and gets up, storming away from his client as he yells.

Jim:  I'm done!  I told you before each time you take things into fantasy fairy fuckery land, I'm done for the dayyy!  So guess what; I'm clockin' out!  Try again next time, you Harpo Marx looking fuckwit!

Kenny takes another sip of tea and is trying not to laugh.

Kenny:  That man is so hilarious to fuck with.  But where were we?  Oh yes!

Kenny transitions into the overly exhuberated, singsongy, jazz-handsy, promo version of himself that we all know and love.

Kenny:  So this Sunday it's gonna be me and three other dudes.  Three BAD dudes who look like the kinds of guys I'd scream like a girl and run away from in a dark Japanese cave.  Three of the meanest mofos to ever set foot in the ring and then you have something you've never seen before and never dared to lay your hands on before.  Something that's going to be far too intense for you to resist the urge to scream and moan.  You're going to have to deal with ME.

With a really overly strained look of over the top uberpsychoticness on his face, Kenny stands up and opens his very colorful robe which featured airbrushed pictures of himself leaping and possibly dancing around.  We don't look at those details though because inside of that robe he's wearing THE AEW CHAMPIONSHIP?

See?  If you ignore the ring and person behind him, while you imagine him with a colorful open robe and the AEW title around his waist, you'd see exactly this image.  Look at the intensity in his eyes as he thrusts his pelvic region forward for you to get a better look at that gorgeous, sexy, pristine AEW championship belt.  Look at the way the light bounces off of the diamond cut edges of the title.  Such a thing of beauty to behold.

Kenny:  Now Isabella I'm gonna start with you, man, I want you to squint those blood thirsty eyes you little S&M freak and I want you to take a long, hard, deep, DEEP look at this title around the waist of god's gift to wrestling.  Take a long hard gulp and imagine what it's like to touch it, feel it, wear it.

Kenny caresses the front plate of his AEW championship.

Kenny:  Now I want you to also imagine being on the same team as the guy who holds this title.  Imagine it. 

Kenny waits.

Kenny waits.

Kenny waits.

Kenny waits.

Kenny waits.

Kenny blurts out...

Kenny:  BECAUSE IT'S THE CLOSEST YOU'RE GOING TO GET TO EXPERIENCING IT!  You think I'd pick some guy whose big claim to fame is performing bloody fellatio AND charging 50 bucks a pop for it?  Fuh-huh-huuuuck NO!  But then if not you, then who?  The Prototype?  Well I already know I'm better than John Cena so we can leave him off the list altogether if that's who we're dealing with, and if it's not Cena going back to his old gimmick then it's probably some silly neckbeard WWE fan who's obsessed with John Cena and wants to run with his early gimmick.  I mean imagine...

He flutters his hands and/or fingers in the air to make you imagine.

Kenny:  Imagine living in a world where it's 2021 and thinking you should call yourself The Prototype of any thing!

He gets extra sing-songy here, and is waving his hand around like he's casting spells now.

Kenny:  I mean you've got the prototype of jobbing over there, and the prototype of getting your junk bit off by that Isabella dude over there, and then over yonder do my eyes spy a prototype of NOT GETTING PICKED FOR MY PARTNER?  Oh why yes yes I do see that!  Ha ha, hey!

Kenny is waving, as if happily greeting "the prototype of not getting picked as his partner" in a friendly manner.  What a sweet guy.

Kenny:  But then that leaves us with 1 dude.  A guy I really haven't heard much about just like the other 2 fillers in my match but at least this guy sounds cocky.  At least this guy sounds tough!  Who IS this Peter F'n Gilmour chap I keep hearing about?  Just who is that man of mystery and intrigue?  Well I'll tell you who he is.  He's the guy that beat the pants off that Chariti chick that cheated me out of my debut XWF win!  So that right there wins it!  Peter Gilmour COME ON DOWN!

Kenny waves for Peter to come and join him at his table.

Kenny:  Come on, Peter.  Have a seat and join the AEW World Heavyweight Champion.  Let's sit down and talk about how many ways we're going to fuck these 2 dudes come Sunday and who's going to be the one stuck on cleanup duty.

Kenny's phone rings.

Kenny answers his phone.

Kenny says hello.

We can hear it's obviously Jim Cornette's voice on the other end yelling so loud Kenny has to pull the phone away from his whole head and hold it about 2 feet away while still cringing. 

Cornette's Voice (muffled):  (inaudible)------------>PETER FUCKING GIL(muffled, possibly said cock)!?  (inaudible)------------------->would've chosen (inaudible)---------------------> condom with holes poked in it would be more reliable (inaudible)----------> but what the fuck should I expect from a (inaudible)-------------------------------------------------> FUCK!

Click.

Kenny's phone screen goes dim.  He just stares at his phone in total, utter, belief. 

Kenny:  Okayyyyyy, so here's a new one, boys n' girls.  Jim Cornette doesn't agree with something I've done!  Yeah I guess he's heard a whooooole big list of really terrible things about this Peter Gilmour guy.  Hey Peter, can I ask you a question?  I mean we're going into this thing as partners so I just gotta know, man, why does my manager think you're the biggest piece of shit to ever be dropped in a wrestling ring?  I mean I see you as a big, tough, strong looking dude who knows how to beat down a richy richy bitchy like Chariti, so I dig that!  But Jim, oh man, man he really doesn't like you.  You should have heard some of the things he just said.  So what's up?  Why is your reputation in this business such crap, partner?  Have you been wrestling blowup dolls and Japanese schoolgirls or something?

And therrrre it is.  That big wink from Kenny on that note.

Kenny:  But for now, I leave you with this, Isabella and Prototype!  Thanks for coming, you're not welcome to stay, and don't let my hips bang your asses on the way out!  BANG!!!!

A big, BIG point toward the camera.

Kenny:  Bang bang bang BANG BANG!  And goooooood night!

Kenny places his sunglasses on and walks off into the sunny distance.